teeth

teeth

These are my sister’s teeth. Her real teeth. Can you believe it? She has seriously amazing teeth. I do not. I have mediocre, sort of beige colored teeth, which I am currently bleaching. I have committed to flossing said teeth due to a recent dentist appointment.

Now. My dentists have all been giving me the “floss your teeth” lecture for my. entire. life. Ever since I was a small child, and whether or not I flossed was essentially out of my control, I have been getting this lecture. HOWEVER! If I can’t do it for me, I will do it for my yet-unconcieved child. In my view, the more good habits I can force myself to develop now, the better off I am. I will force myself to floss, due the link between fetus horribleness and gum disease (I do not recall the precise types of horribleness that can happen to your fetus as a result of gum disease, but I remember that they exist). I will carry on with this diligent flossing for the entire time I am trying to become pregnant and actually am pregnant. Then, by the time Poopsie is born, I will have a full-fledged, fully-ingrained habit. Excellent, there we go. Childbearing as a means to excellent hygene.

The reason that I realized it was time to start flossing, howewver, was not actually the bi-annual “floss your teeth” lecture I received from the hygenist. It was actually the “we’re going to do x-rays” comment, offhandedly made by the appointment desk lady. You see, on my way out after my appointment, they asked me if I wanted to schedule my six-month clean-and-check appointment. I always do this, then invariably cancel it and only go once a year. When I pulled out my calendar, however, I discovered that six months from my dentist appointment put me in mid-August. The month of my first ever insemination. Then, she recommended a date. I quickly flipped to my “Lady Biz” app (this is the real name of a real app – the world is so weird), and discovered that the date she recommended was actually a day AFTER my scheduled ovulation. Which would mean no x-rays for me, because I could actually be PREGNANT. WHAT?! Yes, I know probably not. But I COULD be.

The time between dentist appointments always seems to go so fast that I am shocked and amazed when it is already time to blow off another one. And by the time I blow off my next dentist appointment, I could be pregnant! PREGNANT! And so, I vowed to start flossing now. And also moved the pre-scheduled six month checkup two weeks earlier so that I can get the x-rays rather than having to awkwardly tell the team at my dentist that I artificially inseminated myself the day before, so I couldn’t be exposed to the x-rays.

So far, it has been approximately two weeks since my dentist appointment, and I have flossed approximately three times.

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