Happy New Year! Hard to believe the holidays are over. I feel like I barely survived this year. I missed one flight, had one that was delayed by 5 hours, my parents came to New York to visit, and I had three year-end deals at work. Plus have I mentioned that I have 900 kids? Or maybe it just seems like that.
Some highlights for you:
1. Bumby is walking! You may have guessed this from the title of the post. On New Years Day he took a trek across the room to try to grab a fistful of my wife’s uncle’s dog. He missed the dog, but instead got much applause from his fan club (aka my wife and me). I don’t know why people talk about baby steps like they are small, because to me, he is growing in leaps and bounds.
2. My parents and my wife’s mother blatantly ignored our requests that they limit themselves to one present per kid, so all four of our rugrats were spoiled rotten yet again this Christmas. As usual, though, the best parts of the holiday for all were fondue eating on Christmas Eve and an entire day in pajamas. And also the humongous dice we bought them at the dollar store.
3. We experienced some real-life homophobia on Christmas Eve at church. We only go this one time per year, but we chose a church with stuff on their website about inclusion and loving the gays. I was raised Lutheran, and I feel like it’s a good cultural reference point to understand the biblical version of the Christmas story. Also, when the Big One was 4, she walked into a church for a wedding, saw Jesus on the cross, and loudly asked “who’s that?!” So, you know. We’d like to avoid future embarrassment, either theirs or ours. Anyway. We go Christmas Eve, for the bells and the silent night and the no room at the inn, for lo, unto us is born this day in the city of David, etc. Except that was NOT what the sermon was about! It was instead about how Joseph was such an upstanding guy for not having Mary stoned to death after she got knocked up while he was engaged to her, and about how babies are supposed to have a father, by the rules of nature and God. I walked out, with Bumby and my own blessed father. My wife stayed until the end to see if the pastor salvaged himself (he didn’t) and she and the kids informed the him on their way out that we would not be back, because he’s a misogynist, homophobic dickhead. Except, you know. Without actually saying dickhead to a member of the clergy (even though he is one). Then we went home and drank a bunch of wine and French 75s and had a grand old time. Plus I got some nice one-on-one time with my dad while we talked about hating church.
4. Our dog ate an entire dead mouse in one bite and it clogged up her intestines. She had to have surgery to remove the dead mouse and also a section of her bowel which had died from getting scraped by half-digested mouse bones. It is completely repulsive and was every bit as expensive as it sounds.
And with that, we close the book on 2015 and look forward to the giant leaps forward that 2016 promises. Bumby will turn one, the Big Brother will start middle school, Boo will get her ears pierced and get an iPhone, and the Big One will learn to drive. Baby steps, indeed.