outlook not so good

Ooooooh-kay.  So, last month, I was totally convinced I was not pregnant, until about 4 days before I was supposed to get my period, at which point I started having all the symptoms.  Sore boobs, nausea, etc.  So then I, of course, became completely convinced I was pregnant, after all.  Then the symptoms went away, and I became completely confused.  What was that nausea?  Hysterical pregnancy, real pregnancy, stomach virus, WHAT?  So I did what any rational person in the process of painting and re-organizing their kids rooms (with no-VOC paint, of course) would do.

I waited until everyone else had left the room, then I grabbed the middle kid’s magic 8-ball off the floor of her closet, and asked it.  “Magic 8 ball, AM I PREGNANT?  OR WHAT???”


(image from here)

Whaaaat?  “Outlook not so good”?  That is not at all what I wanted to see.  So, even though EVERYONE KNOWS that the reliability of Magic 8 ball readings drops after the first question, I asked again anyway, “Are you sure, Magic 8 ball?  Are you totally sure that it’s ‘Outlook not so good’?”

(image from here)

COME ON.  I walked dejectedly from the closet, and resumed painting the oldest kid’s new room a nice “grown-up pink.”  Two days later, I got the blood.  Boo hoo.

But. But, but, but! If there is one good thing that came of this, I can now be absolutely certain that the Magic 8 ball is the most reliable pregnancy-predictor to date.  More reliable than any list of “early pregnancy symptoms” that Google has to offer.  You can have psycho-somatic nausea, but you cannot have a psycho-somatic Magic 8 ball reading.  So, one night, when I was supposed to be supervising teeth-brushing even though our kids are totally too old to require this, I sneaked off into the closet, and asked the Magic 8 ball the question. “Will this be my month?”

I was too excited by the fact that it answered me with a yes-type response to remember exactly what it said.  Isn’t that life, that stupid “Outlook not so good” is seared into my memory, but I can’t remember whether it was Yes, or It is certain, or Signs point to Yes, or some other yes-type variation.  But it was DEFINITELY A YES-TYPE VARIATION.

I am afraid to ask it again. I also don’t know how reliable it is given that I have not yet inseminated, thanks to my totally long/weird cycles.  How certain does it have to be before the Magic 8 ball can make an accurate prediction?  Can the Magic 8 ball really see the future? Or does it just report things that have already happened that I don’t know yet?  WHY DIDN’T I WAIT TO ASK IT?  Why can’t I remember EXACTLY what it said, so that I can analyze it’s degree of certainty?

Also.  If I am pregnant this month, I am totally setting up some type of online account and selling pregnancy-prediction 8-ball readings for $5 apiece.  Until then, here is an online 8-ball link, for amusement only.  I cannot promise you this online Magic 8 ball is as accurate as my kid’s Magic 8 ball, which I can only assume must be the REAL Magic 8 ball.