In case you’ve been reading too many message boards with discouraging “babydust!!!!” and “omg bfp 9dpo 1st iui!!!”, here is a breakdown of how the whole “conceiving a baby” thing went for us, with words instead of acronyms and nonsense. Also, babydust is not a word, or a real thing.
August 2012: Marry my lovely wife.
February 2013: Discuss possibility of childbearing with regular ob/gyn. She recommends starting out with a reproductive endocrinologist (RE), since we don’t have access to sperm. As this is covered by our insurance, we say, why not?
April 2013: Have our first appointment with an RE. Hate her.
May 2013: Meet with new RE, like her. Decide to do intrauterine inseminations (IUI) in a doctor’s office, rather than intracervical inseminations at home. Please, for the love of god, do not call it “artificial insemination.” It makes me feel like I live in a Brave New World.
June/July 2013: Learn that my prolactin levels are high, due to a microadanoma (super small benign brain tumor).
August 2013: Take Dostinex to lower prolactin levels, but stop when I do the first IUI, at the recommendation of a doctor who is not my RE. Not pregnant.
September – October 2013: Second, third IUI. Not pregnant.
November – December 2013: Decide to go back on the Dostinex, as prolactin levels are still high. Fourth, fifth IUI. Not pregnant. In fact, have one horrible experience where I get my period as I sit down to take a pregnancy test. Prolactin levels still high throughout, also maybe sort of mess up timing of some of them.
January 2014: Increase dosage of Dostinex. Prolactin levels still high, but much closer to normal. Have HSG test to see if tubes are blocked (they are not). Switch donors, cross fingers, sixth IUI, get negative pregnancy test and accompanying horrible period.
February 2014: Seventh IUI. Not pregnant.
March 2014: Eight natural cycle IUI. Prolactin levels finally normal (whee!), although we accidentally inseminate a day before I actually ovulate (whoops). Not pregnant.
April 2014: The month off, aka the best month of the whole trying-to-conceive process. Not pregnant, obviously, because unfortunately for us, lesbians can’t get pregnant “accidentally.”
May 2014: Tenth month of trying to conceive, ninth IUI, this time 33 hours after a trigger shot — and finally pregnant!
January 29, 2015: Give birth to beautiful baby Bumby, a healthy 9 lb boy.