Ooooooh-kay. So, last month, I was totally convinced I was not pregnant, until about 4 days before I was supposed to get my period, at which point I started having all the symptoms. Sore boobs, nausea, etc. So then I, of course, became completely convinced I was pregnant, after all. Then the symptoms went away, and I became completely confused. What was that nausea? Hysterical pregnancy, real pregnancy, stomach virus, WHAT? So I did what any rational person in the process of painting and re-organizing their kids rooms (with no-VOC paint, of course) would do.
I waited until everyone else had left the room, then I grabbed the middle kid’s magic 8-ball off the floor of her closet, and asked it. “Magic 8 ball, AM I PREGNANT? OR WHAT???”
(image from here)
Whaaaat? “Outlook not so good”? That is not at all what I wanted to see. So, even though EVERYONE KNOWS that the reliability of Magic 8 ball readings drops after the first question, I asked again anyway, “Are you sure, Magic 8 ball? Are you totally sure that it’s ‘Outlook not so good’?”
(image from here)
COME ON. I walked dejectedly from the closet, and resumed painting the oldest kid’s new room a nice “grown-up pink.” Two days later, I got the blood. Boo hoo.
But. But, but, but! If there is one good thing that came of this, I can now be absolutely certain that the Magic 8 ball is the most reliable pregnancy-predictor to date. More reliable than any list of “early pregnancy symptoms” that Google has to offer. You can have psycho-somatic nausea, but you cannot have a psycho-somatic Magic 8 ball reading. So, one night, when I was supposed to be supervising teeth-brushing even though our kids are totally too old to require this, I sneaked off into the closet, and asked the Magic 8 ball the question. “Will this be my month?”
I was too excited by the fact that it answered me with a yes-type response to remember exactly what it said. Isn’t that life, that stupid “Outlook not so good” is seared into my memory, but I can’t remember whether it was Yes, or It is certain, or Signs point to Yes, or some other yes-type variation. But it was DEFINITELY A YES-TYPE VARIATION.
I am afraid to ask it again. I also don’t know how reliable it is given that I have not yet inseminated, thanks to my totally long/weird cycles. How certain does it have to be before the Magic 8 ball can make an accurate prediction? Can the Magic 8 ball really see the future? Or does it just report things that have already happened that I don’t know yet? WHY DIDN’T I WAIT TO ASK IT? Why can’t I remember EXACTLY what it said, so that I can analyze it’s degree of certainty?
Also. If I am pregnant this month, I am totally setting up some type of online account and selling pregnancy-prediction 8-ball readings for $5 apiece. Until then, here is an online 8-ball link, for amusement only. I cannot promise you this online Magic 8 ball is as accurate as my kid’s Magic 8 ball, which I can only assume must be the REAL Magic 8 ball.